tobias, you blowhard!

cutestory @ 2007-08-24T14:39:00

2007-08-24T21:39:51Z

halpert add it right now.

cutestory @ 2007-08-24T12:56:00

2007-08-24T20:01:38Z

"i'm sorry i called you a gap-toothed bitch. it's not your fault you're so gap-toothed."

college is good news so far. no dorm friendersons yet but that's okay because my roomie is a cool town resident. i miss the lbc and tanning and making moolah. i haven't done exercise for a long time. can you get shin splints from walking? i'm just a puss sometimes. i love you all.

cutestory @ 2007-08-07T16:01:00

2007-08-07T23:02:40Z

mexico mexico mexico mexico mexico mexico mexico mexico mehico (rigel) mexico!

cutestory @ 2007-07-28T20:50:00

2007-07-29T03:54:25Z

today i went to the container store to buy stuff for my dorm. they aren't joking, there seriously are nothing but containers and container-related products available for purchase there. i had the day off and it was okay. i need a tan. i'm going to mexico in august and i'm legal there and it will be exciting. i love you all.

cutestory @ 2007-07-21T18:38:00

2007-07-22T01:38:52Z

"i'm all for integration, it's the new frontier!"

cutestory @ 2007-07-15T14:01:00

2007-07-15T21:03:24Z

dear myspace,

please stop trying to be like facebook. you aren't very good at it. it's pointless. it's annoying.

love, elisabeth.

cutestory @ 2007-07-15T02:02:00

2007-07-15T09:02:53Z

it's my first summer in eight years not going up to camp, and it's very weird. i have to start buying sheets and suitcases and college things. i also have to go to college. they kind of go hand in hand. summer is going by so slowly. it's perfect.

cutestory @ 2007-07-08T13:46:00

2007-07-08T20:53:14Z

"her uncle and aunt, sylvain and bénédicte, have raised her, with her parents' life insurance invested by pierre-marie rouvière. when she was five, mathilde came down with polio. she was bedridden for months, despite mustard compresses, pendulums, and four-leaf clover infusions. today, mathilde is twenty. she plays the tuba. it is the only instrument capable of imitating a distress call. chickpea, the dog, farts in his sleep. when she hears it, bénédicte never fails to say, "doggie fart, gladdens my heart." mathilde needs daily treatment. since the armistice, georges cornu, a swimming champion, massages her. she used to get embarrassed, but she got over it. mathilde sometimes imagines that georges admires her, tormented with desire. what's more, he once said, "you do have a fine figure, miss. and i've kneaded quite a few." after that, how should she call him? dear georges... my dear georges... jojo... sometimes, before falling asleep, she imagines herself in arousing situations. mathilde doesn't need to fantasize for very long before reaching fulfillment. since his disappearance, she can't bear to think about her fiancé as she satisfies herself. that's the way it is."

cutestory @ 2007-06-15T00:24:00

2007-06-15T07:25:49Z

"i go to the opera three times a week, i hang around in my bathrobe reading susan sontag, and i get foot massages from my german boyfriend - i'm going to be fine. that being said, i want to be a part of culture. i'm scared of what young people are being force-fed. i'm sick of trash culture." -rufus wainwright

cutestory @ 2007-06-11T15:40:00

2007-06-11T22:48:09Z

summer? mm mm good. $12 bucks an hour? even better. four hours of class? not so bad. doing absolutely nothing the whole time? so much better. unless you count a reunion with my gameboy color and pokemon blue (fuck, my weepinbell is BAD ASS). i just finished a summer playlist but it's far too long, so i gotta trim it down a little. but i don't want to take anything off of it. oh, dilemma. graduation on wednesday, ho. ly. shit.

cutestory @ 2007-05-26T02:16:00

2007-05-26T09:24:33Z

"dear virginia,

hi. this is michael showalter. i'm 1/3rd of stella, and you said some not very nice things about me in the new york times. please don't take this the wrong way, but i'll bet you have breadcrumbs in your vag from all those hoagies you stuff up in there. now i know that sounds like a really low blow, but i really don't mean it that way. see, when i say that you obviously have big, gigantic hoagies stuffed up inside your vag, i in no way mean that as a negative thing. i guess i'd be lying if i said it was a compliment because obviously, it wasn't a compliment. no. if anything, it was an observation... and the observation is that you have big, sloppy hoagies--overflowing with shredded lettuce, gooey cheddar cheese, and hot pastrami--with special sauce, and these hoagies are stuffed inside your vagina, and as a result you have tons of breadcrumbs in your bush."

cutestory @ 2007-05-26T02:04:00

2007-05-26T09:14:15Z

i want these very very badly. ebay is really torturous sometimes! i don't want anyone else to bid on them. if not i'll settle for different ones but these are my favorite. uh, facebook is the slowest thing of all time at uploading pictures and i'm sleepy and i want to go to bed but i'm too excited. for prom and yearbooks and graduation and party busing and party and grad night and everything. everything. i'm mainly excited for school to be over and to burn all of my chemistry ap questions (1979 #3? 2001 #6? feel the real effects of thermochemistry (i don't know what that is)). i caught a HUGE moth in the bathroom all by myself and then i did jumping jacks while i watched the office (bring your daughter to work day) because the dvd was lying around and i wanted to watch something. it was satisfying. yesterday our fishtank exploded (not as dramatic as it sounds, but our new carpet got soaked!). we lost five little guys in the fight. three were almost saved but i guess they died of shock overnight. the scuba diver's in there all by himself now, dry and what not. our house feels very empty without it functioning, even though we only had five little fish and it was wayy big enough to hold like twenty.

cutestory @ 2007-05-15T01:43:00

2007-05-15T08:53:08Z

ap psychology tomorrow. yikes. i don't know. in a practice i got 87/100 on the multiple choice but the essays are just painful and very very vague. i don't know. i'm nervous, i want a five. i want three fives. i want fives on everything. i just want a final "fuck you" to the colleges that didn't accept me. i'm really excited, though. if i hate it? i can transfer. i'm not too worried about anything. maybe i should be. i just need it to be thursday night because thursday night i will be done. i will be done with aps and i will be done with high school. i do not like high school but this weekend was okay. i think i made it to three parties, and i do not party so it was weird. granted, i was at gordon's for about ten minutes but still! i'm officially hired by the city of lakewood and i officially get $11.06 an hour. if i work for 25 hours a week, thats over $1,000 a month and then i'll be loaded by the end of the summer. loaded. i want to shop. i want to buy an entire new wardrobe! i have one pair of jeans. i also have ap psychology tomorrow. why are there two opponent process theories? if you want to name your theory, can't you think of something that's not taken? can they please copyright these things? and i can't remember how to spell things. like schachter. actually, i think that's right. schachter. i'm flipping out! yuck, this is not fun. i can't wait for college. i can't wait for summer. i can't wait for thursday night. office finale, here i come!

cutestory @ 2007-05-08T19:43:00

2007-05-09T02:46:38Z

becoming a lifeguard is so stressful. one of the training days for swim instructor certification is the same as prom and it supposedly goes from like 10 AM until 6PM. prom starts at eight. i could take a class on a different weekend at belmont but of course that would conflict with actual employee training for mayfair, and on top of that i'm taking four hour classes every monday and wednesday starting next week for three weeks for lifeguard certification. plus the first "inservice", whatever the hell that is, is on the same day as my sfsu orientation that i've already paid for so i can't really get out of so i am super stressed. but i'm not stressed about school. i'm happy. i'm done with swim. suck on that, chlorine. SUCK ON THAT. too bad i chose the worst profession ever for someone who hates chlorine? oh well. $11 bucks an hour, i'll take it.

cutestory @ 2007-04-29T13:13:00

2007-04-29T20:17:30Z

one month, thirteen days, ten hours, and fourty five minutes until june thirteenth. then we will graduate. then i will have a job and i will make money, and then i will go to college and i will live in the shitty dorms and have an amazing life. amazing. no more high school. adios! hasta manana! no mucho gusto! gracias para nada! i clearly cannot wait. in about thirty minutes i have a swim test and then i'll be hired, i'm pretty sure. we have to swim a 500 in ten minutes. i can do it in 5:45 if i'm racing. actually, 5:39 but it's been a month since i did that so we'll just assume i can't anymore. one more week of swim for my entire life. entire. life. i had my last morning practice ever on friday. agghhh. legalness, here i come!!!!!...!!!!

ps: i still hate chemistry.

pps: myspace en espanol is clearly the best thing ever.

cutestory @ 2007-04-18T19:29:00

2007-04-19T04:14:15Z

i had my first job interview ever today! lifeguard-hood, here i come (i'm hoping). spring break was amazing. las vegas was like perfect weather, perfect shopping, perfect everything. and i got my prom dress! god i'm so excited to graduate. plus i became infatuated with discovery health specials and that show on tlc little people, big world. although i forgot to watch the new one. okay, i guess more like moderate like and not really infatuation. anyway, it was really nice. i got through most of my crime and punishment reading that i fell behind on, our condos were fabulous and we weren't right on the strip, but there was a tram to take us there every hour.

and then san francisco. i think i'm in love with it. okay the shopping in las vegas? pretty amazing. in san francisco? i don't think there are words. it was a little colder than i really like but i'll get used to it, and honestly, it's been so overcast down here this year i could barely tell the difference. i stayed in fisherman's wharf which was really beautiful but a little touristy and way too crowded. and then my mom and i did touristy things like a boat tour around alcatraz and the golden gate bridge, and we rode the cable cars (that aren't on cables) and the F train-thing (which are?) and it's so cool that a lot of the public transportation is electric, i can't even tell you.

today in chem we were talking about virginia tech and some people around me were kind of joking around and laughing and it was just not cool. but i had hotty mchotterson jazz by my side to talk about how much i hate everyone else that sits around us (namely two people) so all was good! but seriously, i guess i missed the memo where that was somehow joke appropriate two days after it happened (or ever, but come on).

cutestory @ 2007-03-25T22:07:00

2007-03-26T05:09:26Z

spring break, here i come.

cutestory @ 2007-03-20T23:29:00

2007-03-21T06:35:33Z

college update: acceptances - san francisco state (first choice), cal state university long beach; rejections: uc davis. not heard from yet: ucsd, uc berkeley, ucla. so yeah, we'll see where this goes. i'm skipping econ tomorrow. i skipped english two days ago. senioritis sucks really very badly. don't do it guys. another thing not to do: take ap chemistry. i would be 235876847389098 times happier if i'd taken environmental science or something instead. anything. i should have taken calculus. my eyes are tired. goodnight goodnight!

:( if you speak spanish you'll know why

2007-02-26T08:59:28Z

"ésta es la historia de juan, el niño que nadie amó; que por las calles creció, buscando el amor bajo el sol. su madre lo abandonó, su padre lo maltrató, su casa fue un callejón, su cama un cartón su amigo dios. juan preguntó por amor y el mundo se lo negó. juan preguntó por amor y el mundo se lo negó. juan preguntó por honor y el mundo le dió deshonor. juan preguntó por perdón y el mundo lo lastimó. juan preguntó y pregunó y el mundo jamás lo escuchó. él sólo quizo jugar, él sólo quizo soñar, él sólo quizo amar pero el mundo lo olvidó. él sólo quizo volar, él sólo quizo cantar, él sólo quizo amar pero el mundo olvidó."

cutestory @ 2007-02-25T12:05:00

2007-02-25T20:10:52Z

yesterday we had a swim clinic. this gold medalist, josh davis, was running it and he was kind of a tool. all he did was talk about how much he loved driving by the 7 million dollar aquatic center dedicated to him with his name all over it in his home town every day. the really tooly part is when he told us we should wait till marriage to lose our v-cards and what not. i was like um there are ten year olds here? also he could not stop talking about how he held the world record for all these things and then michael phelps beat him in like everything. annoying.

the oscars are tonight. i need to fill out my ballet. i have no idea! i'm wishfully thinking that jennifer hudson won't win anything. also, i want babel to win best picture but i have a feeling the departed is gonna take it. and marie antoinette for costume, but i think that actually probably will.

cutestory @ 2007-01-11T22:18:00

2007-01-12T06:30:02Z

life update, which i haven't done since early summer. for the first time ever i almost have straight A's. i don't know how i'm doing it in ap chem, ap psych isn't really an issue because it's easy to pay attention, and in ap english lit i'm pretty sure i have near 100% thanks to extra credit and always doing the reading. in ap econ i had an 87% but since i made my final worth 50% of my grade or something and i totally killed it i'm pretty sure it's up by now. in ap spanish i have an 88% but this weekend i'm making an extra credit movie so i'm pretty hopefull that i can get it up. five aps and straight as. that would be so amazing. and i'm not even trying super hard to be honest. i don't really ever do homework. i don't know when it gets done.

but that's boring, i'm sorry. i'm going to see stomp the yard soon with alex and jazz. break was pretty amazing. i can't even tell you how many hours i spent watching arrested development dvds. i think i'd be dead without that show. and american beauty. three times. once with commentary. i got a lap top so i'm more mobile in the house, no longer confined to my room all the time. thank god we have a wifi connection in our house. the office was amazing tonight. it kind of offset my sadness because we lost to millikan tonight. but we played well. now i'm watching jon stewart because he is amazing. everything is amazing. well, not everything, but i'm pretty okay with life as it is. i graduate in five months. i'm so excited.

"it's like an alarm clock's gone off, and i've just got to get away. i think it was john lennon who said: 'life is what happens when you're making other plans.', and that's how i feel. although he also said: 'i am the walrus i am the eggman,' so i don't know what to believe."

cutestory @ 2007-01-07T13:44:00

2007-01-07T21:48:20Z

"it was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. and this bag was, like, dancing with me. like a little kid begging me to play with it, for fifteen minutes. and that's the day i knew there was this entire life behind things and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. video's a poor excuse, i know, but it helps me remember... and i need to remember. sometimes there's so much beauty in the world i feel like i can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

cutestory @ 2006-09-16T00:33:00

2006-09-16T07:36:05Z

i just wanna post because i haven't in a while and isaac's new name is "juicy cootcher kaplan" forever if i remember tomorrow. also, six days until the office.

"aids is not funny. believe me, i have tried. there are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians. jfk. aids. the holocause. the lincoln assassination just recently became funny. 'i need to see this play like i need a hole in the head.' and i hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious aids joke. it's one of my dreams."

cutestory @ 2006-08-24T02:24:00

2006-08-24T09:37:03Z

"listen, i like kids, but this is not a kid's environment. this is like HBO. no limits. who knows what i'm going to say? crazy stuff, and it is r-rated. it's not rated g. i'm like eddie murphy in raw, and they're trying to make me into eddie murphy in daddy day care. both great movies, but still."

cutestory @ 2006-08-06T14:02:00

2006-08-06T21:04:01Z

i just got back from the mall with adele. i got some shorts at american eagle. i'm going to hawaii tomorrow. i hope the extinct volcanos can handle the heat.

alex is back on livejournal. what a great day!